Happy New Year to one and all. I hope 2010 is already proving to be a good year for you.
For those of you who follow the Broadway theater scene (like I do) you have most likely heard of the acclaimed musical, “Wicked.” If not, it’s a show that inspires people to be authentic. The musical is based on the best-selling novel of the same name, written by Gregory Maguire, and while the book is a very different journey, it is still very insightful.
Recently, I was in NYC for a performance of my own which I was quite excited about. I got a random email from an old friend whom I’d known was living in NYC and performing in the Ensemble of “Wicked” on Broadway. I had known that she was understudying Elphaba, the lead and that she had only gone on as Elphaba once or twice in the year and a half she’d been with the show. But while I was in New York, my friend Chelsea got the call at noon that she was going on as the famed Green Witch. She remembered that I was coming to NYC that week and sent me an email asking if I was already in town and would I like to see the show that night. I jumped at the opportunity and was witness to the performance of a lifetime from this sweet young woman.
As I watched this amazing talent on stage, I was again reminded of how gripping this storyline is: the poor, green child born into a world that doesn’t understand what it is to be different or unique. A world that is afraid of what it doesn’t understand and cannot appreciate “gifts” that are atypical. As I watched Chelsea capture the hearts of a sold-out theater with her portrayal of this misunderstood, powerful, beautiful woman, I was also inspired.
When Elphaba was trying to “fit in” and not show her gifts and strengths, she was unhappy and not very powerful. When she embraced her gifts, she became not only powerful in magic, but in spirit. Her strength and beauty grew from her acceptance of herself and her authenticity. As the story played on, she became less “wicked” than the people around her…..the “normal” people. These people, whom she desperately wanted to accept her, were the ones who were insecure about their own uniqueness and so they tried to cut Elphaba down and make her feel as though she had nothing to offer.
I find that as I get older, I am accepting fewer people into my inner circle. I have unfortunately discovered that people who are unhappy with themselves do not want people around them to succeed. A good friend once said to me “People who are hurting inside, hurt others.” Too true. But, through being with good hearted people, who truly love themselves, I have learned that I can soar with them still beside me. My inner circle is filled with people who love my gifts and are not intimidated by my rather outspoken nature. They understand and appreciate both my musical and life experiences and do not try to push ahead, but instead they push me ahead. They are not hurting, so they do not hurt. I learn from these friends. I learn how to be better at sharing my gifts. I also learn how to be better at helping them soar with me beside them, cheering them on.
So embrace your “green,” your authenticity and wear it proudly because everyone deserves a chance to fly.
As a performer or as a human being, we’re all subject to criticism. Whether it is personal or professional, everyone falls under scrutiny at one time or another. As youngsters, we thought all criticism was “bad” or considered it a kind of scolding. As we get older, hopefully, we recognize the difference between constructive and destructive criticism. I like constructive criticism as a rule. I’ve gotten a lot better at accepting it without attaching emotion to it. Then, I can really listen and decide if my critic is trying to be helpful and their criticism can be utilized or if it’s more of a personal opinion. What I need to get better at though, is learning not to accept criticism from people who don’t matter. This may sound harsh, but let me explain.
Whose opinion matters? A friend, a competitor, a colleague, a mentor? Determining whose opinion to value is not as easy as it may seem. As a perpetual pleaser, I like to listen to everyone. That’s not the best thing, however. The trick is to determine if the critic/criticism is really worth considering. It’s sad, but some people feel the need to criticize others to make themselves feel better. Recently, I’ve also been given “criticism” by people whom I thought were my friends or whom I believed had my best interest at heart – and didn’t. These people do not deserve my time, my energy or my consideration. I have spent too many hours wondering what I did to make these people feel the way they do about my music or about me as a person. It’s not a worthwhile use of my time. I’m not saying that you should adopt an “Everyone is wrong, but I’m right!” attitude but really think about who you’re listening to and why.
Consider these questions:
Does this person have anything to gain by offering me a compliment or a criticism?
What place does this person have in my life currently?
Does this person have the skills or the knowledge to offer any advice to me?
Will this advice/criticism really make me a better musician/person?
In the end, the most important opinion is yours. How you choose to do things should come from your most authentic place. If you are expressing yourself in that way, then there is nothing that should sway you. It is fine to take in opinions and even criticism to help improve how you deliver your message, but that is all. Be who you are and don’t let anyone diminish that. Even if your most trusted friend or colleague tells you something “for your own good,” be true to your inner voice. The truest colleagues and friends will still support you even if you don’t take their advice or criticism. You always have the choice to accept or not accept someone else’s opinion because it’s just that, someone else’s opinion.
I was told today by a dear friend that I have a unique point of view. What some people consider annoying or stressful, I often see as ironic. So….a new element of my blog is born – my Authentic Point Of View.
Strange things happen around me or to me all the time. Really strange things. Someone once told me that the title of my autobiography should be “Hand to God: My Truth Is Stranger Than Your Fiction.” I’ll give you an example. I was riding home from my teaching gig at Columbia College Chicago on the Amtrak train today. I chose to sit in the “Quiet Car,” which forbids cell phone use or loud talking. People who sit in that car are usually regular commuters who don’t want to hear babies crying or who want to either work or sleep on the ride. Sometimes a newbie wanders in and doesn’t see the 10-14 bright blue signs hanging from the ceiling establishing that you are IN the Quiet Car.
It takes a lot of noise for a regular passenger to ask someone to pipe down or hang up his/her phone, but sometimes people just are oblivious to their surroundings. Usually, all it takes is a tap on the shoulder and then a rather strong pointing to the sign above the newbie’s head. More often than not, the newbie blushes, apologizes and hangs up immediately or stops their conversation. Sometimes, the big guns need to be called in – The Conductor. Now, usually the conductors jump on the intercom and re-establish to everyone that the last car of the train is the Quiet Car….blah blah blah. Today, I witnessed something I hadn’t seen before.
One very petite female conductor came striding into the Quiet Car and screeched at the top of her lungs “THIS IS THE QUIET CAR! THERE WILL BE NO CELL PHONE USE WHATSOEVER AND NO LOUD CONVERSATIONS!” She then stormed out of the car. While most of the passengers in the car were stunned into silence, I started to giggle. Did no one else see the irony here? I exchanged looks with a passenger sitting across from me who looked scared but I just kept laughing. Finally, he started laughing too and soon the whole car was roaring with laughter…..again…..the irony.
Do you laugh in absurd situations or are you easily annoyed? The next time you’re annoyed, will you allow yourself to see it from a different point of view?
In this world of outside expectations and responsibilities, we often forget to take care of ourselves. You can only be authentic with others once you’ve learned how to be authentic with yourself. How do you do that? The trick is to find one thing that will make you happy. Do you find your authenticity by being a people pleaser? That’s me. I know I do that too often. I try to be too many things to too many people and often find myself forgetting to please the most important person…myself. I know that when I’m at my happiest, the people around me are happy too. It’s infectious.
I found this great article which was posted on Connie Ragen Green’s blog. She asked life coach Kelly McIntyre to write about the pluses and minuses of being a people pleaser. It’s not inherently bad to want to please others, but it has to be kept in check.
Now, I’m not encouraging Narcissism but I do believe that we often put ourselves last in most equations. So, how do I please everyone? I don’t, or at least I rarely do. I tend to get twisted up and lose sight of my initial goals when I try to please everyone. If I act from my most sincere and honest place, my authenticity will come out. That may require that I end up NOT pleasing everyone. Sometimes the truth hurts. Being true to your own heart isn’t always the easiest path and it often pleases the least number of people. In the end though, if you act with authenticity, the outcome will be the best for everyone involved….even if you can’t always see it.
What authentic thing can you do for yourself today? You may find that it will end up pleasing more than just you.
We’ve all heard the phrase: “Those who can – do, and those who can’t – teach.” Anyone who has ever taught anyone anything, knows that is completely and utterly ridiculous. Those who can – DO teach! Those who can – are the BEST teachers. I’ve never heard of anyone going to the least successful person in any given field and asking them to teach them how to not succeed. It’s not the way our society works and it’s not a part of the basic tenet of teaching. We teach others so they can learn: to be a pilot, to be a musician, to be an intelligent consumer, to be a good person. Wouldn’t we want our children to learn from people who have already mastered the last two categories? Isn’t that why we send them to school…..so they can learn to understand the society they will eventually be contributing to? Everyone has some skill. If you’re being authentic, you have the ability to share that skill. Sometimes we set out to teach a specific course or skill set but often times our teaching is merely by example. Remember that when you act authentically you are teaching others 1) how you wish to be treated and 2) how you view the world.
What will you teach others today? What have you learned today? Were you in a classroom or at the coffee shop?
With the new school year already upon us, I feel this is an excellent time to introduce you to one of the most passionate and amazing teachers I’ve ever heard. Thanks to Kim & Jason for turning me on to this amazing speaker:
I write a lot about being authentic as an individual, but recently I came across an article about a man who is asking a business to be authentic. United Airlines, to be exact. Dave Carroll posted his story on his website a few months ago, and it’s been a very interesting story to follow. I will quote him as he tells his (shortened)story **The long version is also available on his site**
In the spring of 2008, Sons of Maxwell were traveling to Nebraska for a one-week tour and my Taylor guitar was witnessed being thrown by United Airlines baggage handlers in Chicago. I discovered later that the $3500 guitar was severely damaged. They didn’t deny the experience occurred but for nine months the various people I communicated with put the responsibility for dealing with the damage on everyone other than themselves and finally said they would do nothing to compensate me for my loss. So I promised the last person to finally say “no” to compensation (Ms. Irlweg) that I would write and produce three songs about my experience with United Airlines and make videos for each to be viewed online by anyone in the world. United: Song 1 is the first of those songs. United: Song 2 has been written and video production is underway. United: Song 3 is coming. I promise.
What I find really compelling about Carroll’s plight is how easy it would have been for United Airlines to just cut him a check for the damaged guitar and be done with it. There are just so many times I’ve read about a politician or a leader who committed a transgression, got caught in the act and had the audacity to deny involvement. What would happen, I wonder, if people admitted their mistakes immediately after being confronted with it? Don’t we teach children in school to accept blame for mistakes? Isn’t this a basic tenet of the “golden rule?”
What will happen in Carroll’s case remains to be seen, but United Airlines has surely not heard the last of him. Why are they bringing this on themselves? They have already lost the good faith of their employees after filing Chapter 11 in 2002 and basically destroying everyone’s 401K in order to liquidate their assets. Can a business like this afford to lose customer faith as well? Here are five ways I think United Airlines could be more authentic:
Be honest. Treat your clients as you would your friends. Be upfront, honest, decisive and fair. When in doubt, err on the side of “the customer is always right.”
Be accountable. Admit when you are wrong and don’t force someone to prove it in order to get a resolution.
Focus on Customer Service. Consumers know that they are not talking to decision makers when they call the 1-800 line, but you can train your employees to make us FEEL like we are talking to the big wigs.
Make people feel important. Understand that while the complaint you’re listening to is one of a hundred that you will deal with this week, it is the single-most important thing to the customer at the time. Especially where personal items are concerned, like a guitar, it’s not just an instrument – it’s a part of the person who owns it.
Focus on the big picture. Recognize that the person you ignore today could be the person who creates a negative music video about your company and puts it on the Internet for tens of thousands of potential customers to see. I don’t think Miss Irlweg had any idea that this musician would have such a loud voice. If you think about the big picture, then you can avoid embarrassing instances like this.
I’d like to be a fly on the wall when the higher powers at United find out that Dave Carroll has got quite a huge following. You can view the video here:
I celebrated 2 very special birthdays yesterday. One was for my 10-year-old nephew who is vibrant, funny, sweet, loving and full of energy. The second was for Baby Lincoln Ray – who lived for an hour and a half. His parents knew that he would most likely be with them for a very short time since they were informed a few months ago that he had Potter’s Syndrome. To sum it up, Baby Lincoln Ray didn’t develop kidneys. Without kidneys, a fetus cannot process amniotic fluid and then doesn’t develop lungs. Even though his mom and dad knew his fate months beforehand, they forged ahead – with hope.
“Feel the fear and do it anyway.” –Sting
This has been a favorite quote of mine for years. I saw the living embodiment of that quote yesterday as I sat in the waiting room with dozens of others who were all praying for the same thing. A miracle. Baby Lincoln Ray was born….that was a major miracle. Many children who suffer Potter’s Syndrome don’t even make it that far. His parents could have chosen other “understandable” paths and they chose the one that many wouldn’t. While they were very pragmatic about the reality of the situation, they held out Hope right up until the end. It required so much strength and so much Faith. But if you ask them, they’ll tell you they weren’t that strong. They only did what they knew was right. If there was even a chance that the doctors were wrong, they had to believe that they would be able to meet their precious son. They may not have gotten the miracle they’d hoped for, but they got a miracle. They felt the fear and did it anyway.
If that isn’t Authentic, then I don’t know what is. Feel whatever fear you have and forge on. You might find your own miracle.
“Be real. Try to do what you say, say what you mean, and be what you seem.”
Marian Wright Edelman (1939 – )
Every day, I am made more and more aware of how true this statement is. I like to believe that we all strive for authenticity and that is how I try to look at everyone. It is always sad when I see or hear that someone is not living authentically – albeit that is ultimately a subjective opinion. Still, in our heart, we know what is and isn’t authentic. We can feel it. We pass true authenticity along to others and it can positively impact them in a ripple effect that can change the course of things. Start today. If you want to be more authentic, then BE more authentic. If you want to really, truly make a positive impact on your life and maybe the lives of your close friends and loved ones then start today. We all know that Life is fleeting and we have to honor each day as a gift.
Being authentic is a constant journey. It is more than a nice idea or lip service. It requires action and deliberate daily thought. We may not always succeed but we can keep renewing our commitment each and every day. The most authentic people I know are the ones who show their authenticity in every word and deed. I never see them shouting from the rooftop about how authentic they are. They just are authentic. I have several people in my life who are authentic and I am honored to call them friend. They show me the way every day. I hope I can honor them by continuing to strive for my own authenticity.
Do you have an example of authenticity in your life? Who are the people who keep you “on track?” Tell them what they mean to you and remind them that they are a gift.
Since today is Father’s Day, I think it is appropriate to honor my father in the best way I know how – through my memories of him. He wasn’t perfect, but that’s what made him who he was. We were friends….good friends. From the time I was 8 years old just the two of us would go do things together. We did 4 things every summer, no matter what: State Fair, Summerfest, the Zoo and a Brewer game. Every year, right up until I was 19 – when he died.
Dad loved Jazz. I mean Dad LOVED Jazz. When we used to go to Summerfest, he lived at the Miller Jazz Oasis (I’m dating myself, I know) but he always kept an eye on me in the Children’s Area. Occasionally, he would “drag” me over to hear one of those Jazz artists like Buddy Rich and Mel Torme….yuck! I hated his “old person” music but I listened because it seemed important to him and I loved him. It got in my ear and even though I didn’t like it at the time, it was in me nonetheless.
After Dad’s death, I thought a lot about how I could keep him “with me.” I decided to try and take the things I loved about his personality and make them a part of me too. My mom always said I had his sense of humor and that made me proud. What I didn’t realize then was that he had given me the greatest gift of all – his love and passion for music. On some level when Dad lost his voice – I found mine.
Even though I was an English major, all of my friends were music majors. While I wasn’t willing to bite that bullet (yet) I felt more at home in the music building than anywhere else and was actively involved in private voice lessons and choirs. After Dad died, music gave me a voice for my emotions – my anger, my confusion and my sorrow. It was the only place where I felt somewhat “whole.” In my Junior year, when the U of MN was introducing a new vocal jazz ensemble, I auditioned. Finally, I’d found a way to honor Dad by singing “his” music. I made it into the group because I had a “natural feel” for Jazz, according to my new director. I genuinely loved everything about the group and the music. The rest is history.
I don’t walk on stage without thinking of Dad. I can express my love for him by throwing myself into my craft. I find it rather poignant that this year I will perform at Summerfest 4 times – and Dad will be front row center in my mind. When I teach, it’s his humor and patience that I use with my students. So much of what I do is a result of my Dad’s influence. That’s the journey I took to find My Authentic Voice.
What has impacted your life? What are you doing in your life that is authentic? If the answer is “I don’t know,” you owe it to yourself to find the answer. It’s never too late to find your Authentic Voice. Share your stories…..you might impact someone else on their journey.
“If you build it, they will come.” A quote from a wonderful movie, “Field of Dreams.” The film focuses on the plight of a simple Iowa farmer who is driven by his “inner voice” to do something that everyone says is crazy. In the end, his belief in himself and his desire to be authentic wins out. Sometimes going against the “norm” is the most difficult choice, but if you are authentic in your desires and in your execution – it will yield great rewards.
Very often, we avoid the road less traveled because it’s well…less traveled. Much like the film “Field of Dreams,” we have to embrace our strengths and our passions and recognize that they are gifts. If we use those gifts to the best of our ability, we will succeed. However, it’s important to remember that pursuing your passion may not necessarily take you where you expect to go. That doesn’t mean that your passion doesn’t have a place in your life. I recently had a great discussion with a new friend, Timothy Johnson. After some discussion about comparing what we love with what we have a gift for, he wrote a great article: “Does your project have a fan club?” In the article he mentioned that he has a passion for good music. He loves it. However, at his own admission, he claims that he cannot sing. He loves it and he WANTS to sing, but he doesn’t have that gift. What is amazing is that instead of begruding the fact that he doesn’t have a gift for singing, he supports those who can.
In Music or just in Life, you need people who support your talents. Without them, you will not be able to continue on your journey. As musicians, we all need fans. They will buy tickets to our concerts and they will by our CD’s. So as we move forward in our lives and pursue our passions, do it in a way that is authentic and honest. If you do, you will find fans and friends. Be authentic and they will come.
I had known that she was understudying Elphaba, the lead and that she had only gone on as Elphaba once or twice in the year and a half she’d been with the show. But while I was in New York, my friend Chelsea got the call at noon that she was going on as the famed Green Witch. She remembered that I was coming to NYC that week and sent me an email asking if I was already in town and would I like to see the show that night. I jumped at the opportunity and was witness to the performance of a lifetime from this sweet young woman.
really listen and decide if my critic is trying to be helpful and their criticism can be utilized or if it’s more of a personal opinion. What I need to get better at though, is learning not to accept criticism from people who don’t matter. This may sound harsh, but let me explain.
and doesn’t see the 10-14 bright blue signs hanging from the ceiling establishing that you are IN the Quiet Car. 
my memories of him. He wasn’t perfect, but that’s what made him who he was. We were friends….good friends. From the time I was 8 years old just the two of us would go do things together. We did 4 things every summer, no matter what: 