It was a dream come true for me not only to be performing in NYC, but to get to spend some quality time exploring the amazing city where both my parents were born and raised.  In an odd way, I’ve always felt a connection to NYC for that reason.  As a child, I heard stories aobut the Warehouse District, Grand Central Station, Radio City Music Hall and my mom and her siblings freezing down to their bones as they watched the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade.  New York City is part of my family’s fabric.

On September 11, 2001, I was sitting in my living room watching “Good Morning America.”  I didn’t have to be at my job as a radio news reporter until 10am CST.  I remember sitting on the couch absolutely stupefied that one of the towers had been hit by a plane.  What?  Man, some poor air traffic controller is going to lose his job for this.  Drag.  Wait……it’s happening again?  This can’t be a coincidence?  My heart sank as I realized what was happening.  Before I could even process the events I was watching, my boss was calling me in early.  I knew it was going to be a heartwrenching day.  I had a moment to call my mom and ask her if she was watching.  She was audibly crying on the phone.  I don’t think I’d ever heard or seen my mother cry in my life.

As I drove to work, I listened to the news and heard that the first tower had crumbled to the ground.  By the time I reached the station, the second was falling.  It was horrifying to watch people jumping out of the towers in an attempt to try to survive.  The look of downtown Manhattan was that of a volcano site.  There was dust floating everywhere and people were injured and walking through the streets absolutely in shock.  We were all in shock.  An entire nation was in shock.  An entire nation mourned.

While I have been back to NYC since that time, I will never forget that first big trip and that daunting comment I made about the skyline.  I will never forget.  Don’t you ever forget.  The only way history will not repeat itself is if we remember.  Continue to lead from a place of love and beauty, but don’t forget the images of devastation and loss.  We are all the walking memorials of 9/11.  Take a moment on Sunday to reflect on the good things in your life, your family and all of your blessings.  We all have blessings, even if we don’t always see them.

Hello everyone.  As we muddle through allergy season, I have some tips that might help you stay healthy….inside and out.  I’ve discovered some great tips in the last few months that will help singers and non-singers stay on top of allergies, colds and all varieties of upper respiratory issues.  Mind you, these are just tips and may not work for everyone, but they have worked for me or people I’ve talked to.

Cool Mist Humidifiers

There are lots of studies that promote the use of cool mist humidifiers instead of warm mist humidifiers.  I use my cool mist humidifier year round.  Even in the summer, when it “seems” humid, I still have it running and it makes a big difference, especially when sleeping.  The warm mist humidifiers can more easily produce mold and other unwanted bacteria while the cool mist are less susceptible.  **This does not mean that you should NOT clean your cool mist humidifier regularly, because weekly cleaning is necessary.” I have found a few, inexpensive humidifiers that are good.  Please note that all humidifiers are more difficult to purchase in the “off peak” months of spring and summer, so you might want to order one online if you want one now.

1.   Walgreens Cool Mist Humidifier – $39.99  UltraSonic technology.  Whisper quiet operation.  Instant, visible mist adds moisture for home comfort.  Variable mist control controls moisture output.  Removable tank for easy filling, fits under most faucets, easy to carry.  Auto shut off when water tank is empty.  Up to 20 hours continuous operation on one filling

For those of you who travel a lot, like I do, it is always a struggle to get the hotel room temperature warm enough to keep you toasty but cool enough not to sap the room dry of humidity.  I’ve found the best travel companion: the personal, mini-humidifier.  I purchased mine as part of a winter promotion at Walgreen’s.  It was a TravelAire Compact Personal Humidifier $24.99 and some stores still carry them, but not all of them.  If you’re looking for a nice alternative, try this one available on Amazon.com: Sunpentown® SU – 1051P Mini – Humidifier $48.50.

Staying Hydrated

In the summertime, it is more important than ever to stay hydrated.  Heat, air conditioning and additional sun exposure will dry out not just your vocal chords but all of your muscles.  Doctors say we need 8-8 oz glasses of water per day.  I up that to 10-12 glasses during the summer if I’m being active.  To give your water a little “zing,” try adding some fresh squeezed lemon or lime.  I am a fan of fresh mint in my water. In fact, I’ve been known to muddle some fresh mint in the bottom of my water jug and keep it in the fridge so it’s nice and cold.  Iced tea is also a great source of hydration in the summertime.  Just be careful to avoid too much caffeinated tea.  I like to make Trader Joe’s Peppermint Tea $4.95 (because it’s caffeine free) and I put 6-7 tea bags into 48 oz of boiling water.  Then, I pour the whole thing (even the tea bags) into a pitcher and put it in the fridge.  Even my boyfriend likes it!

For those of you who like to carry around water bottles all day (like I do) sometimes it’s hard to find good, filtered water to put inside them.  Brita has come up with a perfect solution.  It  now has the Brita Bottle $9.99.  You can fill up at any water source and as you drink, your water goes through the filter and then to the water nozzle.  It’s BPA-free, dishwasher safe (top rack) and recyclable…..and affordable.  It is available at most Walgreens and Target stores. I am recommending that ALL of my private voice students get these and use them year-round.  Brita also offers a wide variety of filtered water pitchers to keep carbon and other unwanted elements out of your tap  water.  It’s a moderate way to keep your water filtered.

Preventive Care

One of the best ways to combat allergies, colds or upper respiratory infections….it’s to avoid them all together.  It isn’t always possible, but there are some things that you can do to minimize your risk.  My former voice teacher at Western Michigan University, Dr. Karen Wicklund, has a great site affiliated with her voice institute: The Chicago Institute of Professional Voice.  Her herbal and vitamin regimen for singers is outstanding and very easy to maintain.  There are regimens for both maintaining health and emergency doses for illness.  Other over the counter remedies include Emergen-C and the unique Neti Pot.

Using any or all of these suggestions will help you combat the annoyance of nasal or respiratory problems.  The more consistent your use, the more results you will see.  The good news about all of these suggestions is that none of them have any side effects like drowsiness or hyperactivity.  When we feel better and take care of ourselves our attitude is better, we are more productive and we can reach our maximum potential.  Sleep, hydration, moderate exercise and a good diet will work wonders for both your voice and your psyche.  Have a great summer everyone!

I have family close by.  I have some of the most amazing friends in the world who have helped me reshape my life this year.  And these friends have been very patient with me over the last few years.  One good friend of mine recently said to me, “Selfishly, I’m glad you’re not in a relationship anymore because I’ve gotten to spend more time with you in the last few months than I did in the last few years.”  Ouch.  She’s absolutely right and that was an eye opener.  I am ashamed that I let so many of my good friendships go unattended during my last relationship.  I have always known that when people are in a committed, romantic relationship, they often lose track of other relationships.  What I hadn’t realized was that I would make sacrifices that really hurt my holiday spirit too.

I was telling someone yesterday that I am so happy to get tocelebrate the holiday season without limits.  I love to decorate for the holidays.  I listen to holiday music from Thanksgiving Day until after the 1st of the year.  I love to go caroling, to drive around and look at holiday lights and to go Christmas shopping.  For my entire adult life, I longed for the time when I would have someone to share those things with.  For me, Christmas is the most romantic time of year.

A few years ago, I found a wonderful man I loved with all my heart – but he didn’t embrace the holidays nearly as much as I did.  In fact, he really didn’t enjoy them at all.  Even though I didn’t really acknowledge this, I  spent the last few years stifling my authentic holiday spirit.  Commercialism, bad childhood memories and an overall unhappiness with Life caused my partner to have negative feelings about the holidays and I spent my energy trying to help create NEW memories for us to enjoy together that would hopefully thwart his negative ones.  Silly me.  I foolishly thought I could change someone else’s heart with my own enthusiasm.  I forgot one simple truth: what’s authentic for one isn’t authentic for everyone.  No matter how much I loved this person, I couldn’t change what was in his heart.  Only he could change it and he didn’t want to.  It wasn’t a reflection on his love for me .  In fact, he made lots of strained attempts to try and give me some of that enthusiasm.  But it was never true for him.  In the end, I only hurt myself.

I’m so grateful this year to have my family – old and new – and  friends – old and new – in my heart for the holidays.  I am grateful that they are STILL here for me and I intend to be better at being there for them – regardless of my relationship status on Facebook:-)

So, enjoy a blast from my holiday past (the picture above with my siblings – I’m the youngest – and their authentic Christmas smiles!)  I encourage all of you to take a moment to reflect on all of the wonderful things that you have in your life to be grateful for.  Broken hearts heal….and time heals all wounds.  So, don’t wallow in the things that you don’t have this holiday season.  Celebrate what you DO have and keep believing in Magic.  It abounds this time of year.  I am still waiting for that wonderful person to spend the holidays with – and I know someday it will happen.

Until then, I am going to revel in the fact that I am in complete control of my own holiday Spirit-O-Meter.   I’m going to crank it up to “11″ and let my spirit soar this year.   I’m going to believe in the Magic and open myself up to the possibility that I might see some for myself this year.  You never know……..

We all have to embrace the journey we are on.  We have choices as to which path we may take along our journey and whom we invite to join us.  There is a lot of truth to the adage: it’s not about the destination, it’s about the journey.  Still, we would be kidding ourselves if we didn’t admit that we have goals and dreams – we always have a destination in mind, even if it’s in the back of our mind.  The trick is to make sure that the destination doesn’t become more important than the journey.

It is easy to say that we need to live in the moment and embrace what we have before us.  In a Utopian society, everyone has all the skills and tools they need to feel viable, accepted and loved – without validation from anyone else.  Oh, if it were only that simple.  But, isn’t it?  Can we really look outside of ourselves for validation on who we are?  Can anyone but us every truly know what is our true authentic self?  If we ask someone else to validate that, aren’t we inherently invalidating ourselves?  Tough questions all.  I don’t proclaim to have the answers.  In fact, I was recently reminded by a new friend that I don’t have nearly as many as I’d hoped.  Drat.  Still, it’s about the journey.

Life is a journey that we take alone.  We have to.  Others may impact our journey or even the path that we choose to take but we have to remember that we make every choice.  No one can make us do or feel anything.  We either choose to embrace it or we don’t.  If we embrace it, then it’s authentic – whatever the outcome.  If we don’t choose it but let others choose for us, then we run the risk of not being as authentic as we can be.  I find that I always run into trouble when I’m being less than my most authentic self.  When I let fear or sadness rule my choices, it never ends well.  I’ve spent the last few months of my life trying very hard to make choices for myself and not in reaction to anything or anyone else.  It’s a noble goal, even when we’re not always successful.  It’s about the journey.

Being alone on that journey makes it easier to remain authentic.  When we can choose to focus on only one set of goals/destinations, we have a better chance of succeeding – in my opinion.  But, being alone is not the same as being lonely.  This is often misunderstood and words are constantly interchanged.  As we make our way through Life, we are sometimes joined by friends, family and loved ones.  And sometimes, we go it alone. In the end, we have to be okay with being alone or it will be difficult to attract anyone to join us on any of our journeys.  Being lonely is normal and a part of life.  There is nothing wrong with feeling lonely, but we have to be careful that we don’t make poor choices because we don’t want to feel lonely anymore.  We need to honor ourselves by recognizing that while we sometimes have to be alone or lonely for a while, it only makes us stronger.

Being good at being alone doesn’t mean that we aren’t going to be open to others coming along on our journeys.  Being lonely might open us up to the wrong kind of people joining us.    I want my journey to be full of joy, real emotion and music.  I want to be extraordinary.  I want to be one, singular sensation,  don’t you?

Let’s cut to the chase.  I had my heart broken.  I was surprised, overwhelmed and angered by the whole situation, the circumstances leading up to it and the aftermath.  In the end, the details are irrelevant.  What I felt and what I learned are the focus of this entry.  The beauty of age is perspective.  I’d like to think I’m much wiser than I used to be and I know that I have a new perspective on letting go.  That, in my opinion, seems to be the hardest part of any loss.  Acceptance and acknowledgement that things will never be the same again.

When I was 19, my father died rather unexpectedly.  The truth is we knew after about 2 weeks in ICU that he probably wouldn’t leave.  We hoped we were wrong, but we understood the truth.  We had the opportunity to prepare and say our goodbyes and there was nothing left unsaid.  I have often looked back and been grateful for that opportunity and wondered what would have happened if I hadn’t seen it coming.  Would he still have known how much I loved him and how special my relationship with him was?  I hoped so and vowed from that point on to never let anyone in my life “wonder” how I felt or how much I valued them.   Friends, family or significant others would always know where they stood with me.  That was my commitment to myself and a way to honor my dad’s memory.  We always knew he loved us and I wanted that to be his legacy.  It helped me let my dad go.

A few years ago, I entered into a new romantic relationship.  My first “real” adult relationship.  I have to admit that I didn’t know it was coming and didn’t truly know if I’d be any good at it.  I had always known I had a huge capacity to love but never really got to test that theory.  I spent the better part of my college career – when you’re supposed to be dating lots of people – on tour, living out of a suitcase and traveling the world studying and singing.  I don’t regret that for a minute, but it stunted my “emotional” growth a bit.

When I was faced with this amazing, charismatic man, I was overwhelmed.  We instantly fell madly in love with each other and it was the most wonderful and exciting surprise of my life.  I “leaned” into the relationship and gave it all I had.  He always knew how I felt about him and not a day went by when I didn’t let him know I loved him.  I may not have always “liked” him, but I always loved him.  I was happy to learn just how much I did have to give to this relationship.  He gave all he had too and for a long time, we were on the same page.

The relationship lasted 2.5 years and it was mostly wonderful.  I have no regrets and I wish him no ill will – regardless of how painfully things ended with us.  Needless to say, it was not my idea or even my expectation that we would end.  I planned to spend my life with this man.  I was wrong.

When I was faced with the grief of losing my father, my choice was to try and let him live on – through me.  I adopted his love of humor, his love of music and his love of people.  They truly became part of my inner “fabric” and I hope that they are the things people think of when they think of me.  If I was going to be true to myself, wouldn’t I have to do the same after my breakup with this love of my life?

This one wasn’t going to be easy, but I made a choice.  I chose to remember the good and the wonderful things and try not to focus on the breakup and the pain.  I didn’t always succeed, but I tried to take the “high road.”  I learned a lot in this relationship and I hoped that I would take those lessons with me.  I could have screamed from the rooftops about all of the horrible things that happened at the end and how hurt I was.  It would have been justified.  But, would I truly have been letting go?

It is my opinion that lashing out and trying to hurt others causes you to hang on to a dead relationship.  Whether it’s a physical death or an emotional one, it’s still a loss. We have to grieve the loss of any relationship but we forget that there is always a choice as to how we decide to let go.    I made a decision to walk away from the relationship with my dignity in tact.  I never asked for a change of heart.  I never begged to keep the relationship going.  I tried to understand what went wrong, what role I might have played in the breakup and how I was going to heal.  The healing was the most important part.  By choosing not to hurt this man I had loved, I helped myself heal more.  I was once told that “hurting people, hurt others.”  That is true but it doesn’t have to be.  When you hang on to the hurt and anger, you limit your ability to move on.  When you spend time and energy focusing on the unhappiness of your former significant other, you’re taking valuable time away from your own healing process.  Why not, instead, remember the love you did have and the good memories you did share and be grateful for them.  Let the fact that you did love and you were loved, be the jumping off point for your healing.  If you ever really loved this person, shouldn’t you want them to be happy – even if it is without you?  

It’s a hard reality to face when someone who once said they would never hurt you – hurts you.  It’s never easy to accept that someone has chosen to leave you behind or has fallen out of love with you.  But those are things beyond your control.  Being authentic means allowing yourself to feel and act upon your true emotions in a way that suits your personality.  There is a great sentiment from the movie “Eat.Pray.Love” that has helped me understand this process.

“If you miss someone, then miss him.  When you think of him, send him all the love and light that you have.  Then, drop it.” –Elizabeth Gilbert

Don’t let the sun set on your anger…..in or out of a relationship.  Let the sun rise on your decision to be happy.

I don’t typically offer guest posts, but since I have some experience (very limited) with Autistic students in my private music studio, I really love this post.  It explains a lot and I think it offers some solace to those parents who struggle with this challenge every day.  My college friend, Kat, and her husband Scott (author of this beautiful post) are the real champions of this battle.

Keep fighting the good fight!

Last night, as I enjoyed time in Minnesota with my dear college friends, I was fortunate enough to hear a choir concert given by their twin 10-year-old daughters.  Because the “choir” consisted of only 6 girls, the recital was held in the “salon” of their choir director’s home.  Talk about “unpretentious.”  With 2 of the 6 girls unable to attend at the last minute, the quartet of girls charmed all of us with their sweet, unaffected voices.   They sang with energy, excitement and passion.  At the age of 10, kids don’t generally know how to be anything other than what they are.  They wear their heart on their sleeve and you ALWAYS know where you stand with kids.  Why do we ever let ourselves lose that?  Wouldn’t the world be so much easier to maneuver if everyone maintained such basic and predictable traits?

As I puttered around my friends’ home these last few days, I was again reminded that kids relate to you so much better when you give them your most authentic self.  I’ve known these girls since before they were a twinkle in their parents’ eyes ( I was actually visiting Minnesota the day my friends got the “news” that twins were a’coming!)  While I have not been as “present” in their lives as I would like (350 miles between Milwaukee and Minneapolis can put a damper on that) whenever we do get to see each other, the girls always make me feel like we’ve only just parted the day before.  While I am not technically an Aunt, their mother decided that I was more than just another random person in their lives so she started referring to me as “Friend Ellen.”  As the girls grew “FriendEllen” – all one word – was born.  Yesterday, I fixed some random hair thingamadoodle for one of the girls and out came the words: “See Mom?  When Friend Ellen is here, everything goes right!”  Words to melt my heart and also to remind me that I am still behaving in an authentic way.

Kids and animals know good people.  It’s just the way it works.  I am honored and blessed to have several very wonderful kids in my life.  I have my own nephews (who always have my heart) these lovely girls and other “extended” children in my life through my teaching.   If you aren’t blessed with your own children, and don’t have an aversion to them, invite some into your own life.  ”Adopt” a friend’s child and watch, listen and learn.  Kids will teach you so much about how to remain authentic.

What simple lesson will you learn?  How can you translate it into your “adult” life?  Peter Pan didn’t necessarily have the wrong idea:-)

Fast forward nine months later…………I was on staff at the Phil Mattson Vocal Jazz/Choral Workshops that took place in four different cities across the U.S.  I was responsible for: helping to run sectional rehearsals; accompany and coach private jazz voice students; sing all of the workshop repertoire and teach basic Music Theory.  Yes indeed, I was teaching something that I had no clue about nine months earlier.  It was at the Creston workshop where I first encountered a 15-year-old from Marquette, Michigan named Michael.  Eager doesn’t begin to describe this young man’s attitude.  We all knew this kid was unique from the very first moment.  He had an amazing sense of poise for someone his age and an incredible ear for music.  He could play the piano quite well so I was surprised when this young man ended up in my Basic Music Theory class.  Upon further interaction with Michael, I discovered that while he was very competent at the piano – he had no clue what he was playing.  He played beautifully and his ear told him what worked and what didn’t, but he had no idea of the theory behind his playing.  It felt like a very familiar scenario to me.  How ironic that I would be the one to shake his confidence during this workshop by pointing out what he didn’t know.  It was my job to teach him, but it bothered me to burst his bubble of confidence.  He had a great attitude about the whole thing and even took time to help me improve my weak piano skills during my solo coaching session with him.  Still, I suspected that deep down he was crushed just as I had been when I first came to my music boot camp.   He returned to Michigan but I still worried that he’d never return to the workshop again after his experience in my theory class.

Imagine my surprise when I saw Michael’s name on the roster for the 1995 summer workshop in Creston.  What?  He was coming back?  But why would he willingly put himself through such an experience again?  When I saw him again that summer, there was a noticeable change.  He was just as eager, although a bit more reserved.  Michael didn’t make it into my theory class that summer, he advanced to the higher level theory class.  He had worked all year to fill in the blanks in his musical knowledge – on his own.  By the third summer, Michael had graduated to the top theory class, taught by Phil Mattson himself.  He sought out the knowledge he was lacking and soared.  What a great Life lesson.  Just get out of your own way and stop worrying about what you don’t know.  Just focus on learning. The student became the teacher, indeed.  I kept in touch with my “Little Brother” for a few years and then we drifted apart.

I’m happy to report that not only did Michael stay with Music, but he now has a Master’s in Conducting and runs a music department at a community college in Ohio.  I just returned from a fabulous weekend with him, where I was the guest artist at his Winter Jazz Festival.  What a full circle!  I can’t express the sheer joy I felt when I finally got to share a stage with my “Little Brother” accompanying me on the piano.  I even surprised him and accompanied his Vocal Jazz group on the piano….in concert!  He helped me see that it doesn’t matter where you are in your life, you can always learn.  He helped show me how to get out of my own way and just do it.  Instead of worrying about not becoming a good musician, I spent my energies becoming a good musician.

While visiting Michael’s school, I learned that he tells all of his first year music theory students the story of his experience in my theory class back in 1994.  He shares it with them to stress the need for theoretical music knowledge because talent alone won’t make you a good musician.  I thank Michael for showing me that even when I didn’t think I was a good teacher, I still taught him something that stayed with him.  He has now given me a gift that will stay with me.  I look forward to hearing more about the amazing students I’ve had over the years, and the current students I work with.  You all amaze me and I am blessed to have you in my life.  Thank you for trusting me enough to let me share what I know.  I learn from you every day and I’m constantly reminded to get out of my own way.

What do you do to get in your own way? Are you always talking about “someday” when you get to follow your passion?  Or, “someday” when you will take that trip to Europe?

• Find out what really has to happen to turn “Someday” into Today.
• Be realistic and practical, but don’t give up on your dreams, passions or goals.
• Get out of your own way and see what the true obstacles are.

You may be pleasantly surprised.

For those of you who follow the Broadway theater scene (like I do) you have most likely heard of the acclaimed musical, “Wicked.”  If not, it’s a show that inspires people to be authentic.  The musical is based on the best-selling novel of the same name, written by Gregory Maguire, and while the book is a very different journey, it is  still very insightful.

Recently, I was in NYC for a performance of my own which I was quite excited about.  I got a random email from an old friend whom I’d known was living in NYC and performing in the Ensemble of “Wicked” on Broadway.  I had known that she was understudying Elphaba, the lead and that she had only gone on as Elphaba once or twice in the year and a half she’d been with the show.  But while I was in New York, my friend Chelsea got the call at noon that she was going on as the famed Green Witch.  She remembered that I was coming to NYC that week and sent me an email asking if I was already in town and would I like to see the show that night.  I jumped at the opportunity and was witness to the performance of a lifetime from this sweet young woman.

As I watched this amazing talent on stage, I was again reminded of how gripping this storyline is: the poor, green child born into a world that doesn’t understand what it is to be different or unique.  A world that is afraid of what it doesn’t understand and cannot appreciate “gifts” that are atypical.  As I watched Chelsea capture the hearts of a sold-out theater with her portrayal of this misunderstood, powerful, beautiful woman,  I was also inspired.

When Elphaba was trying to “fit in” and not show her gifts and strengths, she was unhappy and not very powerful.  When she embraced her gifts, she became not only powerful in magic, but in spirit.  Her strength and beauty grew from her acceptance of herself and her authenticity.  As the story played on, she became less “wicked” than the people around her…..the “normal” people.  These people, whom she desperately wanted to accept her, were the ones who were insecure about their own uniqueness and so they tried to cut Elphaba  down and make her feel as though she had nothing to offer.

I find that as I get older, I am accepting fewer people into my inner circle.  I have unfortunately discovered that people who are unhappy with themselves do not want people around them to succeed.  A good friend once said to me “People who are hurting inside, hurt others.”  Too true.  But, through being with good hearted people, who truly love themselves, I have learned that I can soar with them still beside me.  My inner circle is filled with people who love my gifts and are not intimidated by my rather outspoken nature.  They understand and appreciate both my musical and life experiences and do not try to push ahead, but instead they push me ahead.  They are not hurting, so they do not hurt.  I learn from these friends.  I learn how to be better at sharing my gifts.  I also learn how to be better at helping them soar with me beside them, cheering them on.

So embrace your “green,” your authenticity and wear it proudly because everyone deserves a chance to fly.

Whose opinion matters?  A friend, a competitor, a colleague, a mentor?  Determining whose opinion to value is not as easy as it may seem.  As a perpetual pleaser, I like to listen to everyone.  That’s not the best thing, however.  The trick is to determine if the critic/criticism is really worth considering.  It’s sad, but some people feel the need to criticize others to make themselves feel better.   Recently, I’ve also been given “criticism” by people whom I thought were my friends or whom I believed had my best interest at heart – and didn’t.    These people do not deserve my time, my energy or my consideration.  I have spent too many hours wondering what I did to make these people feel the way they do about my music or about me as a person.  It’s not a worthwhile use of my time.  I’m not saying that you should adopt an “Everyone is wrong, but I’m right!” attitude but really think about who you’re listening to and why. 

Consider these questions:

1. Does this person have anything to gain by offering me a compliment or a criticism?
2. What place does this person have in my life currently?
3. Does this person have the skills or the knowledge to offer any advice to me?
4. Will this advice/criticism really make me a better musician/person?

In the end, the most important opinion is yours.  How you choose to do things should come from your most authentic place.  If you are expressing yourself in that way, then there is nothing that should sway you.  It is fine to take in opinions and even criticism to help improve how you deliver your message, but that is all.  Be who you are and don’t let anyone diminish that.   Even if your most trusted friend or colleague tells you something “for your own good,” be true to your inner voice.  The truest colleagues and friends will still support you even if you don’t take their advice or criticism.  You always have the choice to accept or not accept someone else’s opinion because it’s just that, someone else’s opinion.