First, to Sarah, I’m glad this struck a chord with you. I welcome guest posts and would love to hear more about how you effectively help people find their authentic voice. I think it’s very important to consider who you are listening to and why because if you can answer both of those questions, the constructive criticism will resonate more clearly and may have a more lasting effect. None of us have all the answers and it is on us all to surround ourselves with people who will be honest about our strengths and our weaknesses. It is also our responsibility to share that same level of honesty with those we love and respect.

Second, to Rhonda, I think you missed the entire point of this post. I completely agree that we need people in our lives to help us stay on track and “keep it real.” However, the purpose of this post was to encourage us all to choose those people wisely. While I don’t welcome conflict, it is inevitable in all healthy relationships. When constructive criticism is offered, we need to not only listen to the words but we have to look at the source. If someone whom I trust and love, is giving me constructive criticism then I’m a fool if I don’t at least listen to what they have to say. If they are the person I believe them to be, then they have nothing to gain from this criticism than just to help make my life better.

When someone who is not really my friend is offering me criticism, I have to wonder why they are doing so. If they are a colleague, what do they have to gain from offering this criticism? I have many colleagues who are friends. We call each other when we cannot do a particular gig and are never worried that we’ll “lose” that gig permanently because we offered it them. I trust that those colleagues have a good heart and good intentions. They are honest about their business expectations and they bring me on board for a project because they know what I can do and they want my talents. When they offer a criticism, I listen. They may have something to gain, but I trust that they are being altruistic.

I have known colleagues who do not have best interests at heart. I have watched people lie to steal gigs from others. I have experienced colleagues who are not forthright about financial expectations. I have heard colleagues talk about how they are true and honest and try to follow the golden rule, and then I have watched that same person gossip about a “friend” and call it constructive criticism. That’s not for me. If you are a colleague, then there is a business expectation that needs to be clear. If you are a friend AND a colleague, then you need to treat your friends at least as well as your general business colleagues. Treat people the way you expect to be treated. Then, your constructive criticism will be met with open minds and ears. That’s my insight, anyway.

So, Rhonda, I think you are right that we have to listen to criticism. But it is imperative that we choose our close friends and trusted colleagues wisely and listen to them. People change, agendas change and that is a part of life. We are all struggling through life to be as authentic as we can be and we need to surround ourselves with people who will help us on that journey. Being authentic is different for everyone and some people need different things along their journey.

Good luck on both your journeys, Sarah and Rhonda, and thanks again for your comments.

As a speech coach, one of my main goals is to help my clients find their authentic voice.

I just blogged about this here: http://sarahgershman.blogspot.com/2009/12/after-listening-to-quite-few-bad.html

I welcome your feedback!

Sarah

Those you teach want you to be successful at helping guide their learning. It’s tougher I’ve found to teach a skill at times than to posses great aptitude in that skill. As a programmer, I’ve often had managers that think imparting what I know is as easy as writing something on a board one time or making a handout. But you can’t teach people programming that way, it’s about inspiring and opening their minds. Now that’s work.

Cheers for the reminder.

nicely written piece. i feel the same as mr. johnson. the gift escapes me but i appreciate real talent even more.
it is a genuine thrill to experience really talented musicians perform.